Depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with other people, just their ability. And despite what you might think, talking to friends and family living with depression can be easy and maybe fun. Not like Facebook-selfie-with-Lady-Gaga-at-an-underground-party fun — instead, I’m talking about the kind of fun where people enjoy each other’s company effortlessly, no one feels awkward, and no one accuses the sad person of ruining the holidays.

Here are some things you might want to avoid when talking to someone who’s depressed.

Don’t say “Just get over it.” That’s a great idea – we love it —  but there’s just one problem: we already thought of that. The inability to "just get over it" is depression. Depression is an illness, so it’s no different from telling someone with a broken ankle or cancer to "just get over it." Try not to fix us — your pressure to be "normal" can make us depressed people feel like we’re disappointing you.

Don’t insist that the things which make other people feel better will work for us. For example, you cannot cure clinical depression by eating ice cream, which is unfortunate because that would be living the dream.

And here are some dos ...

Do talk to us in your natural voice. You don’t need to put on a sad voice because we’re depressed; do you sneeze when you’re talking to somebody with a cold? It’s not rude for you to be upbeat around us.

Do absolve yourself of responsibility for the depressed person. You might be afraid that if you talk to them, you’re responsible for their well-being, that you need to “fix” them and solve their problems. You’re not expected to be Dr. Phil — just be friendly, more like Ellen. You may worry that you won’t know what to say, but words are not the most important thing — your presence is.

Read the full article about how to help friends with depression at ideas.ted.com.