I first became interested in giving and receiving interpersonal feedback in 2018 when I joined an intentional community called Maitri House. We are a 12 person (and two cats) community that co-owns the home we live in. We make collective decisions about our home and our lives together through consensus. A main value of the community is creating a culture where we communicate our needs and feelings more than generally happens in the wider world and can navigate the inevitable conflicts well.

The paradox of good conflict is you have to trust the person you are in conflict with to also want to communicate about the issue and resolve it in a way that works for both of you. So how do you build communication trust for unavoidable future conflicts? You intentionally practice giving feedback. From practicing interpersonal feedback at home, I have learned that you must be brave to give and receive feedback, but it is so worth it because it clears the air and makes people feel seen for their differences and connected over shared goals. More recently, as a Tools and Training Intern at Feedback Labs, I have seen how organizations can apply these same principles to use the feedback loop to listen to their constituents better and form strong, trusting relationships.

The community has a few structured and unstructured processes for giving feedback. When someone new joins the community they go through three check-ins within the first 9 months. These check-ins are a way for the new member to voice any concerns with values or processes that the community has and for current members to share their joys and concerns with living with this new person. The three check-ins increase in structure with the first being fairly casual to the third having specific questions the new member is asked to answer. The last step of each check-in is for each other member of the community to express appreciation for the new member. This helps everyone keep in mind that while there might be something challenging in the relationship between two people, they can both recognize qualities about the other that they appreciate.

Read the full article about community feedback for relationships by Renee Bellis at FeedbackLabs.