So here’s what normally happens, we come back and for 30 days it is heaven on earth. We are invincible and on top of the world. But then you wake up on that 31st day and everything is different. Clarity is gone and the feeling of loneliness becomes overwhelming, your eating patterns change, your mind cannot shut off, ever. I drank to help myself sleep, which didn’t really help. It never really does because it’s guilt-ridden sleep, at best. My fiancé at the time ended the relationship, my family didn’t want to be around me and I had very few people I could call a friend. I was all alone and kept it that way. I stayed in my “bunker” so that I wouldn’t hurt anybody else. After enough times (of this), I started wondering if it was even worth it anymore to have me around. And so the thoughts of removing the negative aspect of the equation, me, from the picture started to fill my daily thoughts....

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